I’ve been in some truly dark places in my life. I let my clinical depression go untreated for over ten years before I ever did anything to help myself.
I spent years working at jobs that I wasn’t good at and didn’t like because I felt suck and disempowered.
My depression kept me from even being able to imagine a better future.
Eventually, I broke free.
If you’re struggling right now and really hating your life I want you to know that I changed my whole damn life in less than a year.
Trust me, there’s nothing special about me.
I used to be the most miserable person you could ever imagine meeting and now I wake up every day so excited to live the life I created.
You are here to be successful and fabulous.
Even if you’re struggling right now it can all turn around in an instant.
Today might suck but tomorrow could be the best day of your whole damn life.
No one knows the future and that means the possibilities of good shit that could happen to you are absolutely endless so get freaking stoked.
Celebrate every damn day like you’re going to meet your soulmate and win the lottery at any moment.
Here is my ultimate guide to transforming your reality.
If you’ve been thinking “I hate my life” and your ready to start feeling better this guide is for you.
If you need a little Pep Talk check out my video below or subscribe to my Podcast.
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First Things First….
I got a comment the other day that basically said “you don’t understand depression. Someone who is actually depressed would never be able to do any of these tips”.
First of all, I know the tips on my blog will not work for everyone. However, these are the things that helped me change my life and I am just sharing them to try and help other people.
Secondly, if you really can’t do any of these tips please consider going to see a Doctor and a Therapist as soon as possible.
I put off talking to a professional for ten years and I suffered with untreated severe depression.
Don’t do what I did.
Don’t let years of your life pass you by.
There are lots of different Doctors and treatment options. Please find a professional to help you.
OK back to the regular scheduled blog….
Identify Why
Why do you hate your life? This is a loaded question and it’s different for everyone. Some of the most common answers include:
- Stress around finances
- Unhealthy relationships
- Low self-esteem
- Feeling stuck or hopeless
- Mental illnesses like depression or anxiety
- Feeling exhausted or run down
- Working in an unhealthy or unfulfilling environment
- Believing you are stuck and life can’t get better
- Not having a good support system and feeling isolated and alone
- Feeling like life is unfair and always against you
- Believing negative thoughts about yourself
Really dive into what it is that is making you hate your life.
What would you need to change in order to feel joyful and happy every single day?
What are the biggest things keeping you from living a happy life?
Once you identify what it is that is making you miserable you can start to work on changing it and creating a life that you like living.
Make a Plan
Guess what? Identifying why you’re unhappy will only get you so far.
In fact, lots of people are perfectly comfortable complaining about every single thing they dislike about their current life but never sit down to make a plan to change it.
Complaining does exactly nothing to make your life better.
It actually teaches your brain to find the bad in situations and will make you hate your life a lot more in the long run. So lets cut the complaining and make a plan.
Create a Vision
Make a big and expansive vision for your new life.
You need to suspend all your doubts and don’t worry about what you think is possible.
For this exercise pretend that ANYTHING is possible.
What would your life look like? What car do you drive? Where do you live? What are your relationships like? If a genie came and gave you a billion dollars what would you do?
People get so wrapped up in focusing on everything that they don’t want that a lot of times they don’t even know what their dream life would look like. Create a big clear vision of your dream life.
Identify WHAT you need to change ASAP
So clearly your big vision for your life is a long-term goal.
In order to start making progress working towards it we need to break it down into smaller action steps.
First, identify what things you need to change ASAP.
What situations, habits, etc are really bringing you down and causing you to think you hate your life?
Figure out what things you can change right now that would have a big impact on how you are feeling.
Do you need to find a new job? Hire a housekeeper? Make new friends? Join a gym?
What would it take to really transform your reality?
Try to identify the things that you could change that would have a BIG impact and help you start feeling good about your life.
Break It Down
I’m a follower of the 12 week year which basically means I chunk my year into quarters.
The theory behind it is that a year is too long of a time for us to stay motivated.
Most people make the most progress on their goals for the year right in the beginning when they set them and right before the year is about to end.
By shortening the length of time you give yourself to achieve the goal you cut out that lazy part in the middle and are able to get more done.
Get a whiteboard or a planner and write the goals you want to achieve in the next three months.
Make an exact plan for the next 30 days so you know exactly what you need to do each week to move closer to your goals.
You should know exactly what your tasks are each week to keep making progress towards your goals.
I like to sit down on Sunday night with my planner and schedule out my week.
First I plug in all my meetings and weekly tasks I have to get done.
Then, I go back in and schedule a time to work on my tasks for my quarterly goal.
This way I know exactly what I want to get done that week and when I am going to do it.
I also schedule reminders into my phone that pop-up every few days to remind me of my quarterly goal.
If you hate your life I urge you to take action to change it.
Once I identified what needed to change in my life and started really working towards changing it I saw rapid results.
I know you can get big results too. Just remember:
- Have a clear vision of your ultimate dream life and desired outcome
- Set quarterly goals that are challenging but feel possible
- Have a clear idea of what tasks need to get done every single day
- Don’t let yourself lose momentum. This is why most people give up, once you get started do not stop working towards your goals.
- Believe you are worthy and that all of your dreams are possible. Find examples of people that have overcome huge obstacles or have created a life similar to the one that you want
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Some Suggestions For Changes
A lot of times people know they hate their lives and are unhappy but don’t know what they need to change in order to really start feeling better.
Here are some ideas for changes you could make to start feeling better.
- New Friends Does your circle of friends inspire you and lift you up or do they all hate their lives? Sometimes we keep old friends around just because it is comfortable but they don’t actually feel good to be around. You are the sum of the three people you spend the most time with. If you’re feeling like your circle of friends doesn’t serve you or if you’re feeling lonely and don’t have good people around take steps to meet new people. Try signing up for a class or going to a meetup. Lots of areas also have groups or clubs that you can join to meet people with similar interests.
- New Hobby It’s important to have positive and constructive ways to spend your time. If you’re hating your life trying out a new hobby can help give you something positive to focus on. What could you do to pass the time that would be enjoyable? I’ve tried out everything from horseback riding to pole dancing. There are so many options for new hobbies that you’ve probably never tried before. Push yourself out of your comfort zone and see if you can find a new positive way to spend your time.
- Make a Budget Money can negatively impact your mental health if you don’t have a good plan. I sit down once a week and figure out my finances. The rest of the week when I start to worry or stress about money I tell myself I will deal with it when I sit down to do my budget for the week. This helps keep me on track financially without constantly stressing about money all day every day. Figure out exactly how much you have to spend on all of your expenses and stick to your budget each week. Overspending can be a tough habit to break but it’s worth it if it will help lessen your stress levels overall. If you’re really having a tough time financially consider picking up a side job or creating a side hustle to start generating more money. If you need help creating a budget check out this post to help you get started.
- Forgive Holding onto hurt and anger from the past can negatively impact your mental health in the long run. Is there someone in your past that you could forgive for hurting you? You don’t necessarily have to talk to them to forgive them. I’ve forgiven people by writing about it in my journal and deciding to forgive the person without ever telling them. Forgiveness can just mean letting go of the hurt and pain and choosing to move on. It doesn’t mean you have to invite that person into your life. If something from your past is making you hate your life wouldn’t it be worth working on forgiving the situation so you can move on?
- Go To Therapy I am a huge believer in getting professional help. This past year I have had an online therapist, life coach, and business coach. They have helped me become a much happier and more fulfilled version of myself and I can’t imagine my life without them. This is a huge investment of time and money but I choose to make it because I know the impact it has on my life. I am committed to living the best life I possibly can while I am here and I am willing to make significant investments to make that happen. If you are considering trying therapy but feel anxious about talking to someone face to face I use and recommend BetterHelp. This is an amazing service that lets you talk to a counselor on the phone, over video chat or by email. I talk about BetterHelp all the time but it truly has been a game changer for me and I know it has the potential to really make a difference in peoples lives.
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- New Job Finding a new job can be time-consuming and challenging but it can be so much better than working a job you hate. I worked at a job that wasn’t a good fit for me for a really long time. The pay was good and it wasn’t a bad job so I stayed even though I could have found something that would have been a better fit for me and made me happier. I decided to stay just because it was comfortable and pretty easy instead of taking action to find something better. If your job is dragging you down it’s time to clean up your resume and start sending out applications. Applying doesn’t cost you anything except your time and you never know what kind of opportunities it will lead to.
- Get Clear I’m a big vision board person. I think it’s important to have a vision for exactly what you want your future to look like. Plus I just love the act of finding pictures online and cutting them out. To create my vision board I usually find images on Pinterest and then cut them out and pin them on my cork board. I have the cork board hanging by the door so I see it every time I leave my house. It’s a great reminder of the life I am creating and where I am going. If you’ve never created a vision board and need some inspiration check out the video below.
- New Apartment If you’ve been feeling down and hating your life for a long time you might need to change your environment. Consider moving to a different town, state or country even to get a fresh start. Remember, you are not stuck and if where you are living is not good for you anymore you can always move. It might take time but it is a possibility! If you’re not ready to do a huge move maybe just get a new apartment. I made my guest room my main bedroom after a bad episode of depression once. I just felt like I needed to be in a new environment after spending so much time feeling so low in my original bedroom.
- Lifestyle Changes I am constantly trying to challenge myself to live a healthier lifestyle and I have seen huge improvements in my mental health and overall happiness. I have given up alcohol except for special occasions, cleaned up my diet, started taking supplements, committed to getting enough sleep, given up diet coke, started drinking an actual ton of water and began exercising regularly. I made these changes one at a time and I often used 30-day challenges to help myself see the results. When I started exercising I challenged myself to do some kind of physical activity every single day for 30 days. I share all of the lifestyle changes I make over on my Instagram stories so come over there if you need some inspiration. I saw such a huge improvement in my mood by the end of it that it was easier to keep going once the 30 days were up. What lifestyle changes could you make that would help you feel better and start enjoying your life?
- Self-Help Consuming self-help related content has really helped me shift out of the I hate my life mindset and had a huge impact on my life in the last year. I listen to a ton of podcasts and audiobooks throughout the day. I love this because I can get great content while I’m doing chores or driving. This allows me to feel very smug about my multi-tasking abilities LOL. Every once and awhile I will find a book that I am obsessed with but for the most part, I don’t have the attention span to read books. Listening to audiobooks has really been a gamechanger and I easily finish three times as many books since making the switch. If you’re new to the self-help world I recommend You Are a Badass and the Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. Both are great to read or to listen to on audiobooks.
- Find Joy Make time every day to try and feel joy in your body. I have had to practice this a lot because I spent so many years struggling with depression and hating life that feeling any kind of positive feelings was difficult for me. I made a really conscious effort to try and feel joy every single day and by practicing feeling the positive feelings I wanted to feel it became easier and easier. When I want to feel the joy I will pull up some of my favorite memories and try to feel the feeling I had on that specific day in my body. I also have a lot of dance parties throughout the day because that is one of the easiest ways for me to feel joy quickly. Make a list of all the ways you can add more joy to your life and commit to doing one of them every single day. The more you practice putting yourself in a good mood the easier it gets.
- Practice Gratitude If you’ve been thinking to yourself thoughts like “I hate my life” and “things are so hard” over and over again you’ve probably programmed your brain to focus on all the negativity in the world. Starting a gratitude practice can help you reprogram your brain to actually look for all of the things you have to be thankful for in your life. Commit to writing a list of everything you are thankful for in a journal every morning when you wake up and at night when you go to sleep. Throughout the day try and spot things you can add to your list. This will help you train your brain to focus on the positive things in your life instead of the negative. Trust me, I used to be really negative (I have a whole podcast episode about it here) but being positive feels so much better.
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- Chase a Dream Everything really started to shift for me when I committed to chasing my dreams. Once I decided to believe in myself and really go after the life that I wanted I started getting results really quickly. I finally had something to work towards and every little bit of progress I made felt like a huge achievement. This blog was once a tiny little dream but now it’s my fulltime job. I could have never guessed how this would all work out and it has really changed my life. I used to wake up before work and think “I hate my life” and now I wake up flooded with ideas and passion every single day. If you have a desire in your heart go after it. I really believe it is better to try and fail than to never go after what you really truly desire in this life.
- Uplevel I first learned about up-leveling from Kathrin Zenkina and I’ve become obsessed with it. If you were living your dream life how would it be different? Would you only drink the best organic coffee? Would your nails always be painted? Think about what would be different in your life and then find ways to start incorporating those things into your life RIGHT NOW. Start buying yourself the fancy coffee or giving yourself at home manicures. If you have a fabulous walk-in closet in your dream life organize and upgrade the closet you already have. Buy a new shoe rack and organize your clothes by color. Start getting yourself some hangers that make you feel fancy as fuck. Throw away all your holey underwear (just me?). Start finding ways to live your life more like the successful badass you are going to be in the future.
- Feel it Spend sometime fantasizing about your biggest dreams and goals coming true. See if you can actually feel what this would feel like. Envision yourself hearing your single on the radio or telling your Mom you’re on the New York Times Bestseller list. This is your fantasy life, don’t play small. Let yourself feel the joy and excitement of reaching these key achievements. Practice doing this until you can call the feelings into your body whenever you want. You might not be able to get a Grammy right now but you can practice having the FEELING of getting a grammy which is still pretty damn great.
- Act As If Start walking around with the energy of someone who is already living your dream life and accomplished what you want to accomplish. If you start acting as if you’re already the successful badass babe of your dreams you’ll start to feel that way more often. When you think of yourself as a successful badass who is totally killing it other people will start to treat you that way too. When you need to make a decision make it as if you’re the most successful and epic version of yourself. Stop playing small and tell your fears to kick rocks. Practice making decisions and feeling like your success story has already come true.
- Use Your Best Stuff Stop saving your special perfume and candles for a special occasion. Use them to celebrate yourself every damn day. In your dream life, I seriously doubt you’re hoarding your nice things for a “special time”. Crack open that fancy bottle of wine and let the expensive lotion you have from Sephora flow like water. This is your time, stop waiting and go ahead and live your best damn life right now. Use your special china and good wine glasses just because it’s Tuesday and you’re freaking fabulous.
- Focus on Health It is really easy to hate your life when you physically feel lousy. Right now I am working on eating a clean diet and working out five times per week. My mental health and overall wellbeing greatly improve when I am being really diligent about eating healthy and exercising. I like to write out all of my fitness goals in my planner so I know what I am focusing on for the week. If you’re looking for some health-related goals to test out for the week try:
- Drinking 8 large glasses of water per day
- Getting a certain number of steps in
- Eliminating junk food and fast food
- Eating a salad every day
- Cutting out soda and sugary drinks
- Completing a 30-minute workout every day (I recommend this program)
- Making vegetables the largest portion of every meal
- Trying out a new fitness class
I hope this post inspires you and gives you to go from I hate my life to thriving.
I wasted so many years of my life completely miserable and not making changing my life and getting help sooner is one of my biggest regrets.
I spent years of my life completely miserable and when I think about all of the relationships, travel and life experiences I missed out on it makes me really sad.
I do not want that for you so if you hate your life please do something to change it.
I know that even if it feels like you are going to be miserable forever that better things are possible for you.
If you’re struggling with depression and looking for more resources I have more blog posts here.
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